Footy hygiene

Reason #6: All out of clean socks!

There are several symptoms of decay, those that tell you you are seriously disinterested in your apperance, that you spend too mucht time in the world of ideas, that is, staring at the ceiling thinking that your life would be happier if you had a bed full of money where you could lay down, and feel almighty and powerful. Reality bites: you haven't washed a single sock for 3 weeks and you don't have any clean left.

Searching the dirty laundry hamper for a not so stinky sock is one of the most difficult tasks that a human being has to face. Deciding which has the least unpleasant odor is a lot harder than choosing you university course. In the end there's disinterested people in all faculties, they are more concerned about getting stupid with alcohol and the consumption of weed is directly proportional to how "alternative" their career is.

Entering Arts or Humanities means you'll smoke lots of pot and something more (mushrooms, LSD, crystals), entering Architecture school also leads to such a path because it demands creativity. I believe that in business and administration schools cocaine is preferred, and well, alcohol is common to all of them.

If you have no money or social life it's really hard to choose your career because you won't "chill out" with others consuming intoxicating agents. In that case you'll only decide how unhappy to be with your life and the abbreviation that'll go before your name, such as Dr., Arc., or Son of a bitch, your pills were no good for me.

Choosing a sock is more difficult because it will determine the discomfort you'll feel through out the day. If your shoes have proper hermetism they will not let loose any smell, but you'll always know you're wearing dirty socks and it'll make you feel uncomfortable.

Another important factor to consider is if a sock kept you company during a rainy day, in such a case the sock is almost unusable. In the rare case that it is candidate to a second use it's always rather stiff because of the mud. In the worst case scenario it only looks a bit gray and it still keeps the traits of de deodorant or powder.

What makes this decision so hard is that you have no one to ask an opinion, anyone will misjudge you if you ask them, though I'm sure more than one reader is laughing while reading this post because they have done it at least once. In a way it's like peeing in the bathtub, I do it all the time and it's very fun.

Well, what makes this situation so shitty is that when you have already used the same socks two or three times. Then the decision can become extremely hard. What I recommend is not taking a bath because the body gets more picky. If you're not going to wash your clothes, don't wash your body either, one must be coherent.

For those wondering: it's been only 3 days since my last bath and I haven't decided yet what socks to wear...

Reason #5

I meant to translate all posts from the mirror blog, originally written in Spanish, but reason number five is lame. If you know any Spanish and want to waste your time read it.

Crap after love?

Reason #4 Happines is not a constant in relationships.

Even though romantic relationships are accompanied by sexual relations which, in general, improve the mood of those who practice them (I must accept there is nothing more pleasant than giving an orgasm to a woman), the continuous coexistence with the person you've fallen for in the first stage of a relationship may turn into insecurity, codependency, depression, low self-stem and all those beautiful feelings typical of human beings. In some cases (like mine) may turn a common weekend into a long, bitter one. You may end up without anything to do because your girl didn't want to see you today and hasn't yet logged into Messenger. You will obviously end up listening to the same corny sad song at least ten times in a row depending on your mood. You may be well aware of your situation but with not a single chance of changing your expression nor that stupid song (Undiscovered by Ashlee Simpson).

This is, of course, only a phase and if you manage to survive you'll be only a step away from heaven's glory and probably with you children's mother, if you love her.

But since I'm so bitter and little cooperative I've decided to end this torture and break up once and for all with my girlfriend, and forget about all that happiness that we had planned. I prefer to keep my gray look and only little enthusiasm for life than being a ridiculous queer. I thought about ending all this tragically by jumping off the roof, but I remembered that I'm just bitter and fatalist, not a dumb ass.

Fall in love so you all feel as shitty as I do.

Originally written by Layney Stanley here.
Translation by Zebedeo Pérez

Insomnia

Reason #3: The existence of sleeplessness

What I enjoy the most in life is sleeping and dreaming. Even nightmares are fun. This thought certainly applies to any person, sleeping is the most pleasent act in the world. I'm pretty sure it fulfills important biological functions, but that'd be better explaind by a biologist or someone with a sexual fixation on dreaming and sleeping.

I know what you are thinking, reader, why someone with a sexual fixation? It's because sexual desire moves the world. Arthur Regan passed on to me a saying that goes like this "Two boobs push faster than one wagon". Those twoo boobs can be interpreted as sexual desire in general. On a more contemporary version we could say "A cock flyes faster than a plane", that way gays are included, though women aren't, it's too much they've been allowed to vote.

<!-- This paragraph is meaningless in english because of wordplays in spanish, if you're interested check the original post here. Basiclly I start ofending women for meaningless mysogonistic reasons arguing that a blog with such an unoriginal title needs to build up an enemy audience in order to be popular. -->

Back to the subject I wish to file a complain to Goddes for giving us something as beautiful as sleep and having ruined it with something as abnoxious as insomnia. And I'm sure it's Goddes, and not God, because only a woman has enough stupidity to make a world so full of shit with sleep and insomnia.

I take this opportunity to tell Goddess' father to put a plug in her daugther's anus so she stops shiting universes all around.