Reason #8: Abandoned blogs

Opening a blog is like having a child, you can take care of his growth or let it die. But the blog is more helpless because no one can abuse him. Children can be sold, drugs may be inserted in their bodies to sneak them trhough borders, their organs can be sold, they can be allowed to grow in order to enslave them ... but who abuses a blog? No one.

If you stop updating a blog it is unlikely to be found in google searches, hardly anyone will post an abusive comment. I do not know how much this situation bothers those who host the blog. Personally, I wouldn't tolerate a blog that spent more than than 4 months without updates.

A proper analogy is when a classmate borrows a pencil or a pen, and instead of taking notes he just holds it in his hand and pays attention to the teacher because "he can't take notes and pay attention at the same time." That same pen could have been used by someone who really needed it, however it is being balanced in the hands of a useless guy.

Anyway, I think it's a practice that should be abandoned, so I decided to rescue this blog after almost 1 year of abandonment. Hopefully someone will read it.

PS: This is not a letter, there is no reason for a PS.

True PS: I found, I don't know how, an abandoned blog and put a comment in the last post, only to see the reaction of the author. I hope she responds. Did you hear me Orate of the moon?

Post original

When everything goes to hell

Reason #7: Women ruin your life.

This entry is way below mediocre. If you want to read a bad post first learn Spanish and then go to the original post.

I swear, it's not worth translating it.

Footy hygiene

Reason #6: All out of clean socks!

There are several symptoms of decay, those that tell you you are seriously disinterested in your apperance, that you spend too mucht time in the world of ideas, that is, staring at the ceiling thinking that your life would be happier if you had a bed full of money where you could lay down, and feel almighty and powerful. Reality bites: you haven't washed a single sock for 3 weeks and you don't have any clean left.

Searching the dirty laundry hamper for a not so stinky sock is one of the most difficult tasks that a human being has to face. Deciding which has the least unpleasant odor is a lot harder than choosing you university course. In the end there's disinterested people in all faculties, they are more concerned about getting stupid with alcohol and the consumption of weed is directly proportional to how "alternative" their career is.

Entering Arts or Humanities means you'll smoke lots of pot and something more (mushrooms, LSD, crystals), entering Architecture school also leads to such a path because it demands creativity. I believe that in business and administration schools cocaine is preferred, and well, alcohol is common to all of them.

If you have no money or social life it's really hard to choose your career because you won't "chill out" with others consuming intoxicating agents. In that case you'll only decide how unhappy to be with your life and the abbreviation that'll go before your name, such as Dr., Arc., or Son of a bitch, your pills were no good for me.

Choosing a sock is more difficult because it will determine the discomfort you'll feel through out the day. If your shoes have proper hermetism they will not let loose any smell, but you'll always know you're wearing dirty socks and it'll make you feel uncomfortable.

Another important factor to consider is if a sock kept you company during a rainy day, in such a case the sock is almost unusable. In the rare case that it is candidate to a second use it's always rather stiff because of the mud. In the worst case scenario it only looks a bit gray and it still keeps the traits of de deodorant or powder.

What makes this decision so hard is that you have no one to ask an opinion, anyone will misjudge you if you ask them, though I'm sure more than one reader is laughing while reading this post because they have done it at least once. In a way it's like peeing in the bathtub, I do it all the time and it's very fun.

Well, what makes this situation so shitty is that when you have already used the same socks two or three times. Then the decision can become extremely hard. What I recommend is not taking a bath because the body gets more picky. If you're not going to wash your clothes, don't wash your body either, one must be coherent.

For those wondering: it's been only 3 days since my last bath and I haven't decided yet what socks to wear...

Reason #5

I meant to translate all posts from the mirror blog, originally written in Spanish, but reason number five is lame. If you know any Spanish and want to waste your time read it.

Crap after love?

Reason #4 Happines is not a constant in relationships.

Even though romantic relationships are accompanied by sexual relations which, in general, improve the mood of those who practice them (I must accept there is nothing more pleasant than giving an orgasm to a woman), the continuous coexistence with the person you've fallen for in the first stage of a relationship may turn into insecurity, codependency, depression, low self-stem and all those beautiful feelings typical of human beings. In some cases (like mine) may turn a common weekend into a long, bitter one. You may end up without anything to do because your girl didn't want to see you today and hasn't yet logged into Messenger. You will obviously end up listening to the same corny sad song at least ten times in a row depending on your mood. You may be well aware of your situation but with not a single chance of changing your expression nor that stupid song (Undiscovered by Ashlee Simpson).

This is, of course, only a phase and if you manage to survive you'll be only a step away from heaven's glory and probably with you children's mother, if you love her.

But since I'm so bitter and little cooperative I've decided to end this torture and break up once and for all with my girlfriend, and forget about all that happiness that we had planned. I prefer to keep my gray look and only little enthusiasm for life than being a ridiculous queer. I thought about ending all this tragically by jumping off the roof, but I remembered that I'm just bitter and fatalist, not a dumb ass.

Fall in love so you all feel as shitty as I do.

Originally written by Layney Stanley here.
Translation by Zebedeo Pérez

Insomnia

Reason #3: The existence of sleeplessness

What I enjoy the most in life is sleeping and dreaming. Even nightmares are fun. This thought certainly applies to any person, sleeping is the most pleasent act in the world. I'm pretty sure it fulfills important biological functions, but that'd be better explaind by a biologist or someone with a sexual fixation on dreaming and sleeping.

I know what you are thinking, reader, why someone with a sexual fixation? It's because sexual desire moves the world. Arthur Regan passed on to me a saying that goes like this "Two boobs push faster than one wagon". Those twoo boobs can be interpreted as sexual desire in general. On a more contemporary version we could say "A cock flyes faster than a plane", that way gays are included, though women aren't, it's too much they've been allowed to vote.

<!-- This paragraph is meaningless in english because of wordplays in spanish, if you're interested check the original post here. Basiclly I start ofending women for meaningless mysogonistic reasons arguing that a blog with such an unoriginal title needs to build up an enemy audience in order to be popular. -->

Back to the subject I wish to file a complain to Goddes for giving us something as beautiful as sleep and having ruined it with something as abnoxious as insomnia. And I'm sure it's Goddes, and not God, because only a woman has enough stupidity to make a world so full of shit with sleep and insomnia.

I take this opportunity to tell Goddess' father to put a plug in her daugther's anus so she stops shiting universes all around.

Life Sucks, a brother blog.

A year ago a created a blog called La Vida es una mierda. It's written in Spanish, but now I want to expand the audience because I believe that what I write about is universal and not localized to Mexican or Latinamerican people.

The concept of the blog is better explained in the first post, which originally is here. This post might be too local for Spanish speakers, but the next posts we'll be more general, I promise.

Life Sucks

Preliminary note: In Spanish we use two exclamation marks, one at the start, one at the end. Text messaging, Messenger and E-mails have made all the world lazy and everyone looks for ways of shortening writing, such as AFK. LOL, WTF, etc.

Spanish speakers also have things like KP2, NTP, NTC, and we have also incorporated various english ones.

In this spirit for shortening writing peope have started to use less and less the starting exclamation mark...

** TRANSLATED POST**

Before deciding to make this blog I thought life sucked, but when I saw that there already exists a blog with the domain lavidaesunamierda.blogspot.com I was totally convinced that life sucks. This event, so horrible as it is inconceivable, forced me into misspelling the title of this blog.

Someday when I believe to be happy, merry, euphoric or jolly I will check this blog for a list of things that make life a hell, in doing so I'll return to my usual state. Nothing scares me more than being normal and happy.

Here is the first reason why I remember that life sucks:

Reason #1: The disuse in which has fallen the initial exclamation mark in ordinary writing

Writing, even if ordinary, must respect the two exclamation marks in a phrase written in Spanish. It musn't in English or French. I don't know about the other languages but it is possible that they don't use it either. Do japanese have exclamation marks?

I remember Leopoldo Lugones didn't always use the starting exclamation mark in his manuscripts, but he was a poet and never used messenger, e-mail or wrote stupid notes in his friend's notebook with the ridiculous and empty expresison: LYL!!![love you lots]*

For those of you who, due to lack of use, have forgotten how it looks I put it here for you to remember:

¡ [it looks bigger in the blog]

Due to the first reason I remembered another reason why life sucks:

Reason #2: It doesn't matter if you use or not the starting exclamation mark.

Using the starting exclamation point will not cause anything on the people who read what you write. You can not expect anything from using it, neither respect, nor applause, nor a pat on the shoulder, much less praising.

Having respect for Spanish spelling is not important. In the end, users are the ones who make the language, so spelling is insignificant.

I invite the fellow authors** of this blog to number the reasons why life sucks. It's just a suggestion. I say goodbye to this first post advising all those who read it to never forget the fecal character of life.

*Note: LYL is my attempt at translating the spanish TQM (te quiero mucho). Literally it'd be closer to "I love you a lot", but love can be a strong word and "lots" makes it feel more superficial and casual.

**I had hope that some of my friends would also write something, but the response was minimal.